Sept 16 2023

Saturday September 16 2023 at 21:10 

Freaking out.  I'm trying to tell myself he's just acting like this because he's a super sensitive boy. That he senses Momma is really not feeling well.    

He had a stressful weekend. First we took him to the Big Splash. He was stressed out as it was very chaotic & unfamiliar.   

Then Sunday Momma left around 4pm and didn't return until 1:30 AM.   So he had 2 highly stressful days.   
Monday, Momma recovered by sleeping most of the day ...which also coincides with when I began falling ill.

Was stuffy & congested on Tuesday & by Wed I felt horrible.   I had a fever & slept most of Wednesday.  Thursday night & Friday night I did not sleep in the bed.   

Earlier this week, Monday perhaps, he peed in the basement.   Him preferring to stay in the bed in the mornings is nothing new.

Thursday throughout the morning he stayed in the bedroom but did come to lay next to me on the couch.   Friday, he was in the bed all morning. 

I did get him to get active when the toys I ordered were delivered. He played like normal with the toys.  

Saturday, today, he's been off.   Quiet.  He either stayed in the bedroom , the basement, or outside.  Most of this evening he was lying in the basement, on the one carpet.  Not even at the bottom of the stairs.    
I went down there to check on him & he just was lying there.   Head up, but lying there.    I got on the floor to cuddle with him & he just accepted it.   

I got him to come upstairs by taking one of the lambchops & squeaking it. He got up to grab it & did come upstairs.   Now he's lying in the bed. 

He's barely eaten & he hasn't drank water.   I am praying this is just a sympathetic illness & not anything serious.  I cannot handle anything else.   Not right now when I'm so sick.

I'm trying to to get Rich sick, hence the sleeping apart.   I originally thought maybe he would want to lie out here with me, but I under-estimated the power of the bed. 

I cannot even begin to describe the devastation that will happen if this is anything else.

Please please please universe.  Keep him healthy..

9/19/23

Ended up taking him to the ER on Sunday evening.  They gave him some meds for the vomiting & diarrhea & something for hydration. Came home & slept in the bed with me. 

Yesterday morning he was back to his oldself in the am. Ate some chicken & rice like a champ.

However it kind of went downhill from there. He refused to eat anything else. Barely drank.   He got all worked up with Peryn when I went downstairs, but otherwise he was off.    

In the evening he went off by himself to the farthest corner to lay down.    He eventually made his way back to the bedroom & eventually the bed.

This morning he drank a little, but still turns his head at food.  However he did run downstairs with the rest of the pack & barked a bit. However the lack of food & energy did him in quick.

He is in my office with me, so he wants to do all the things...he just can't eat or drink.   I'm going to take him in again. I should try to wait until 8am but I don't know if I can.

I can't sit by & watch him waste away.    

I'm going to have to deal with spending $$ to try & get him diagnosed.

17:49

By now, most of you know the score. 

Took him in cause he was definitely not getting better.   Taking an xray of his stomach & intestines found a bunch of gas & possibly something else? Not sure at this time.    
The main issue is the mass they found.  They're pretty sure it's cancer. Of course that news devastates me. However it doesn't completely surprise me as he is a Berner & he has had issues with masses. 

No the issue is if what's in his intestines does not dissipate or move, they can't even do surgery because of the mass indicated above.  

Gut punch.  This is not happening.   I'm more scared about the current issue than cancer.  Why? It may not be cancer. Even if it is, it may not be aggressive...  There are still so many unknowns.... 

But this current issue....   This is robbing him of getting nutrition from food & water. This is causing him discomfort.   This is robbing me of my time left.   

I have to make it through the rest of the night & morning before I can hear anything.  I don't know how I'll do that. 

After work today, I decided to keep myself busy by picking up & cleaning. Since I was sick the previous week, cleaning fell by the wayside.   
The other 3 are at daycare so I could get a bunch done without them here. 

I ran into issues with that. Everywhere there are toys.   A majority of them are either his or Ziva & his to play tug with.  I found his most favorite ball....I can't do anything with that yet.   

I then think of Ziva & how is she going to handle it if it comes to that? She has adored him from her setting her eyes on him.  She loves playing tug with him. She loves lying near him.  How is she going to deal.

Then Peryn...he may be the biggest AH on the planet, but he freaking is obsessed with Volos.  How will he be on the days when the girls go to daycare?  How will I be?

I hate the not knowing.   

I keep praying to my Dad to keep my boy safe & give me just a little more time. 

I knew time was running short. He's a Berner after all.   I kept hoping "cause he's smaller" or "maybe we'll be the lucky ones" to make it longer.   

I had ZERO clues that this dog would become my whole world.   I really didn't.   I'm begging the universe....just give me more time.  Time to bring him home. More cuddles. More sleeping in bed. More I love yous.    

I'm MAD. MAD as hell that this happened while i was sick. While I couldn't be in bed with him. While I couldn't play with them...  My sickness robbed me.  Maybe I would have noticed sooner & could have gotten him help sooner...

Currently awaiting the rest of the family to come home.  I'm going to have to give love and attention to the rest of the crew. I am going to have to keep an eye on them to see if they look for him.    

ugh. a big rock in my chest....

9/20/23

It's too effing quiet. 

This morning taking them downstairs...too quiet. 

Rich coming in the office this morning, too quiet.

Sitting here working it's too quiet. 

I do not like this quiet.

Called vet last night before bed. He's resting comfortably. Been out to pee a few times.   

I miss him.

9:22AM

Devastated beyond belief. He has some blockage. It's bad, he is spitting /throwing up whenever they move him.. 
We could do an ultra sound to get more info. However with the mass near his lungs, the odds aren't great.

I'm pissed at Rich for going into work. I'm pissed that I can't get a hold of him.  I want to hold my boy.

9:58AM
Rich is coming home from work.  Now I've been trying to call the vet back, but there has been an issue with the phone lines all morning. The call will not go through. 

Plan is to go see him & spend some time with him before we release him from his pain.   If I could just get a hold of the Dr.

Vet Care

 Afternoon & Hello.

In case you don't follow our FB feed, Ziva was taken to the Emergency Vet Clinic yesterday.

Since early on, if her mouth can reach it, she'll chew on it or plain old swallow it.  

It's a known problem and something that has caused numerous issues. 

She's ruined everything from shoes to health equipment. She still swallows my hair scrunchies whole and any small cloth.  Rope toys are not to be given unless you keep an eye on her.   Is that a piece of cardboard? In her mouth it goes.  She'll tear apart toys and swallow pieces.   

Because of all that, she's had regular intestinal issues.  We've joked that she'll be the dog that they find tons of toys in the stomach.     
For the most part, she has passed everything. 

However in the time that we've had her, she's never thrown up (or gagged) over several hours only to bring up spittle or bile.   She's never been listless and lethargic.  She'd moan. She couldn't get comfortable. She would not go to the bathroom, eat or drink.  

She was lying outside on the patio or in the rocks--while it was lightly raining.  That was the Bernese loving cold weather coming through while trying to get comfy.

We attempted to get her a same day appointment, but there was none available and if it ended up being a blockage--she'd end up at the Hospital we went to anyhow.

If you know Ziva, you know she is a happy go lucky-extremely loving dog.  She'll greet "most" strangers with a hug or wanting a pet.  She loves car rides & looking out the window.   She loves food.  She is a bottomless pit.   She loves playing with her siblings. 

Yesterday she was none- of those.    Hence we went to the ACN.   During the ride she just laid there.   Couldn't get comfortable, would switch positions, but just lie there.   At the clinic, she barely greeted the tech that came into the room.   

They took her for X-Rays. Good news was there was nothing in her stomach.  Her small intestines were what we were watching & they sent us home with orders to not feed her. 

She slept most of the time. Only threw up 2 more times. 

This morning she was more like her old self.  It was a relief to see.   She did have a BM and appeared in good spirits.   She was 80% like her usual self. 

We returned for our appointment and another set of XRays.  The issues in the intestines had shifted and along with the BM, it appears she's going to be ok. 

It could be that she over-ate on Thursday. I had mentioned she was being a pig & over ate some of her special food that we only give her in moderation.   

Or it could have been something else.   However they gave her some anti-nausea medication. She's eaten and appears to be on the mend.  

Bad news...... Volos was gagging just before we left and I just cleaned up two spots in my office.   

NOW...
It could be his nervous stomach at being left home 2 days in a row.   He does not deal with that well.   --OR-- was it a virus that Ziva had?     Remains to be seen. Fingers crossed because this Momma will not deal well. 

Speaking of Volos.  I believe I mentioned he had a few lumps I wanted the vet to look at.  I needed to know if these should be removed or if they're just fatty.  Determined they most likely need to be removed.  There are 3 significant ones that need removal and a few that should, but if we can't locate them on day of surgery (due to size), it is not the end of the world. 

I was HOPING to wait until after the new year.  For obvious reasons that EVERYONE is aware of...INFLATION... it has kicked us hard along with some other issues not discussed here. 

I had to put Ziva's vet visit on the CC--which I HATE, but it needed to be done.  While Holding my boy and feeling the lumps..feeling like they grew.. I said screw it.   He needs his surgery. 

I love that boy and Berners on average live 8-10 years.  We adopted him at 5 and we're going on 8.   I am not ready for anything to happen to him.   This dog is my everything.  So I'm calling on Monday to schedule his tumor removals.  

Rich's forever dog was Sheba.   Mine is/was Galen.   However, Volos is nudging him to 1.5 place vs 1st.   I love this guy.    So I beg of you to keep him (all of them) in your thoughts. 

 

Lada felt left out....

Not feeling well

 Tuesday was not a fun day for Momma.

I came home to all four of my pups.  After letting them out (assisting Athena), when I came back in I noticed yellow spots all over my living room.  At first I thought someone took a piss all over. Nope.  Someone had puked up bile all over.  By the size /quantity of the spots, I assumed Volos.

A bit later, in the midst of cleaning the carpet, I saw first hand that it wasn't Volos, but Lada.   She had taken a drink of water and then proceeded to bring it up. She'd bring it up, walk a few steps and bring up more.   

This happened a number of times in the late afternoon until early evening.  She was a bit subdued and lying on the couch.  When I went to cuddle with her, she didn't feel as warm.    After awhile, we thought the worst was over and by 8PM she was doing it again.  

She hadn't eaten or drank a thing --so I knew it was a bit serious.   I called the Clinic and got her an appointment.

in the treatment room waiting for vet

The big sign she wasn't well was once we reached the clinic. First she didn't jump in my lap to get out of the car as she always does and second, instead of jumping in my lap she got on her hind legs and indicated she wanted to be held.

Her weight was normal, 26.6#.   Her temperature was a bit low and she was pale according to the Vet.   She was taken back for blood-work and x-rays. She was severely dehydrated (no surprise there). Her blood work came back mostly normal-she had 1 liver function number that was slightly elevated-that normally wouldn't concern them--but they were cautious because of her current state.
Vet said I was smart for bringing her in when I did and that Lada would need to be kept overnight. They put an IV in and gave her anti-vomiting medicine.

It was rough on me as minus about 10 days or so, she's been with my every night of her time with us.   I was also freaking out because I am so nervous due to what happened with Duchess.

They called the next morning to let me know she did well overnight. She didn't throw up anymore, ate a tiny bit, and went to the bathroom a bit-normal. I got a second call a bit later from the new vet in charge.   We discussed treatment and agreed to allow her to stay all day on the IV and for them to monitor and make sure she didn't get sick again. 

I didn't hear from them the rest of the day and took it to mean No news is Good News.   We went to pick her up at 7:30. They confirmed she didn't throw up again and was in better spirits.  We went home with 2 antibiotics and anti-nausea medicine.

HOME!!

She's to be on a bland diet the next few days and to let her rest.   She's still not 100%, but there is improvement.  She slept well last night and has eaten a few things here and there (in order to give her pills).   She's not a fan of the bland rice diet (Volos has no issues with it though!)

She's lying on the bed in my office surrounded by her pack and Momma. 
She must have felt left out because Athena & Volos have been getting so much attention due to THEIR health concerns.


I'll just be glad when we're past this.  We got back in 10 days to have her blood work ran again. They want to make sure that Liver # was related to her not feeling well and NOT something else.   Fingers and Paws crossed please!!!

Meanwhile, I get a calm and chill Lada while she recuperates.   Kind of scary.