Grief

 Day 1- the day after Sept 21 2023

Last night I didn't know if I was really noticing it or if I was trying to place it on their actions, but the dogs were very ...

let me give an example: Ziva was more needy in wanting to play.  Peryn was more insistent on playing. Lada played along with him & cuddled me when I would start to cry.   

Last night in bed I noticed it. Lada laid much closer to my head & shoulder. Peryn laid right up against me, where Volos sometimes did.    Ziva was in the dog bed on the floor next to me.  

I woke up at 8:30am today & they were all in that position.   Normally I'd have been woken to have given them their brush chews (Brushas) and wanting to go downstairs. 

I got up, gave them their chews & walked around a bit picking up stuff. No one pushed for basement time. No one was obnoxious.  I let them out & Ziva chose to lay outside for a bit. 

I decided to take them down & they all ran down the stairs.  It's sooo much quieter & empty. They all played a bit, but Ziva left to go upstairs.  
After a bit, the 3 of us came upstairs. Ziva is out on the patio by herself.  I'm here in front of the computer & the other 2 are quietly resting.   

They know.   I'm having their person, Jen, come over to try to keep some normalcy.  Plus I enjoy talking with her & that's what I need as well. 

9.22.23

they were so excited to see Jen.  They played, but jen recognized it was too quiet/too subdued. We shed tears discussing Vo while she played with Lada & peryn.

the rest of the day yesterday was weird. They weren't acting normally. Wondering if part of that is because Volos usually was the one winding them up?
I tried focusing on them all as much as i could yesterday. They overall are subdued.  
Took them for a pup cup last night & Peryn was weird.  After he finished his, he got down on the floor.....

Ziva hasn't wanted to play tug. That was her favorite thing to do play tug between me & Volos.

This morning I returned to work. Wouldn't be able to focus on the  kids, so I sent them all to daycare. Peryn REALLY REALLY REALLY did NOT want to go. Nearly had to drag him.
I think he's concerned about me. 
Still not doing the best. I keep realizing i'll never get to hear or see or cuddle with him again. He was so much of my daily life--it's empty.  I hate it. Hate it with a passion.

before playcare this am