Not exactly sure what to title this post as.
Tributes
It's been a rough few weeks. I've been feeling pretty emotional overall & I'm pretty easily affected by things happening to those I have an emotional connection to. Additionally everything happening in the Ukraine, just saddens me so greatly. I log on each day hoping to find out they are ok & that Russia retreated.
As I mentioned I get affected by things (people/animals) that I have emotional connections with.
See my previous posts. I was invested in Bear & am so happy he's home.
Ludo. Ugh. I followed this dog. I adored this dog. To find out he had to leave us just crushed us. I was emotionally invested. Super Ludo Boy There's another reason why his passing really hit me & I'll get to that later.
I still get tears when I think about this beautiful young boy being gone. My heart goes out to his Momma & Papa.
I adore this grumpy stubborn cattle dog. This is going to be Peryn when he is that age ..I am telling you. I worry about him & check on him regularly.
Never met him, but I am emotionally invested. I will be devastated when that awful day comes. He's a character & that makes it so much easier to fall for a dog I've never met. It was a sad day when Maggie passed a few years ago. Roscoe has a "brother" Eugene, who I worry about as well.
Brinks
Then there are the dogs that I have met. I feel it when a friend's pet passes. If I have had significant interaction with the dog, it's going to be worse.
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| photo by Megan |
Let me tell you about BRINKS. The first time I saw him was in 2010. Our neighbor had just adopted a cute little guy. On first glance he reminded me sooo much of my first dog, Rusty. So I was endeared to him from the get go.
Brinks was an adorable & mischievous puppy (jump through a window anyone?). He was the cute neighbor dog. In 2013 I believe, after adopting Duchess, we attempted a sleep over in order to see if they could get along & watch the dogs if one of us needed in the future. Didn't exactly work out, but it wasn't a disaster.
Along came Athena in 2014 & that girl LOVED dogs. She loved people, but she was a dog's dog. She would often take off across the backyards to go play with Brinks if he was out. When they got Brinks a sister a few year later, Athena was over there every chance she got. She was sad when they moved.
Being that we were friends as well, I still got to see the 2 pups occasionally & easily gave my love & pets to them when I could.
Sadly it was discovered Brinks had an aggressive cancer & joined Athena over the rainbow bridge this week. I cried. This was a friends pup. This was a pup I knew & adored. This was a pup my pups had loved. I am sad & I cried.
Just wanted to share with you an adorable guy who will be missed beyond words. This gorgeous photo was taken just before his passing. Photo taken by Greg Murray
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| Photo by Greg Murray |
My heart & my fear
All my dogs mean the world to me. I love them more than I can ever say. However, there are ones that have even more of an imprint on my heart for different reasons.
Galen-I've referred to him as the love of my life in the past. He was my first & I flipping adored this guy. He is always special for being the first as well as being the goofy butt that he was. I loved his smell. I loved he allowed me to "manhandle" him & lie on him. He was smart. He was gorgeous. He was also a very grumpy old man. Miss him.
Duchess- She was my rock. Her very unexpected passing hit us hard. She was a strong quiet presence & her passing was a rough one.
Then this dude. Out of no-where comes this dog.
I originally didn't want a Bernese (I was ignorant of their traits & charm). Finally when I agree it was immediately after the loss of Duchess. It was for Rich.
When I began reading up on these dogs I was quite shocked to read they had an average life span of 8-10 years. What?!! Eight to Ten.? Galen, Sheba & Goldberg passed at 14. Duchess was approximately 12-13 ish (Rescue-age unknown). Athena- 12-13ish. Volos was already 5 Then to read about all the health issues--particularly cancer (Ludo). Ugh. Why would ANYONE get these dogs?
He was fearful, cautious, & kept to himself. He would leave the room if I entered. He wouldn't stay with us in the living room for long. Only would come out in small amounts to check on us. LOVED car rides & being outside in the snow.
Immediately find & schedule surgery for Mast Cell Tumor (Cancer) removal. Already not with us a month & we're 'fighting to keep him healthy".
Somewhere along the way, can't remember when it happened he began to prefer me. First he began to join us in my office (Peryn, Lada, & Athena were already hanging in here with me). The pandemic had begun that March, so I was home all the time as well.
Then he began coming to me for pets. Then he was hanging out in my office by himself. While sitting on the couch, he'd some next to me to sit & get pets. Then it was resting on the floor next to me. The BIG change was when he began climbing into bed to sleep in between my legs & on my torso. Every night. We would call him up & he'd get into place & gently lay there on me.
During my sleep, he'd come up. Somehow he dug deep & is so my love. This dog is my everything.
Another 2 surgeries for MCT removals, reading about other BMDs passing due to cancer, finding more bumps.. I am SCARED shitless. I will not handle losing him well. I already take him every 6 mos for blood work. Going to have to have another surgery for MCT removal.
UGH. Dude! My heart is not handling this well.
He already doesn't go to play care often because he prefers hanging with me. He's such a silly boy. Right now he's acting like such a clown. My routine at work is approximately every 2-3 hours is to stop what I'm doing & get down to cuddle with him. He gets so excited & is so happy.
If you've seen the pics from play care or even at a dog park, he's so serious. Keeps to himself. But that is NOT who he is. He is a happy clown who lives to be in the basement at the bottom of the stairs with his toys & destroyed boxes. He's a happy pup who gets so excited when Momma gets him a snack or toy. I spoil the crud out of him, I admit it. He just requires so little to be happy.
I should just focus on enjoying my time with him...but my thoughts often dwell on Berners & their short life span & health issues.
That is actually a big factor into why we went to a breeder. We went to someone who has a "history" of healthy Berner's. Berner's living until 12. Berner's who have a greater chance at living healthier & longer. Doesn't guarantee it, but odds may be in our favor.
So yes, Ludo's & Brinks passing hit me hard. I'm already emotional overall & this just leads me down a path of thoughts I should avoid.
Someone a dog from a Breed I wasn't too keen on a few years ago is my heart dog. This is my boy. I love him like no other.
